Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
