he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
