It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
