My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
