You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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