you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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