On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
