You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
