if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
