If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
