were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
