I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So many bounce houses so little time
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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