so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
