my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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