I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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