i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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