just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
