there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
