dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
