does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
