I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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