She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
