Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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