She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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