Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
that may or may not have been my penis.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
