oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
