i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
