Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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