hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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