So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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