Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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