The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize