He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize