I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
