2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
