dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
