So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
