nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
