I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
