I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
