you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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