I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize