The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
