His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
