at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
