what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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