My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
