I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
