If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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