Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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