I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
