i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
