You're earring is so big in my mouth
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
