Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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