Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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