So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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