Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
