I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
