Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize