I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
