nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
