then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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