is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
