We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
