I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize