I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
