yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
