I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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