My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
