Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
