dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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