Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
