I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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