I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize