I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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