I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
