he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
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