the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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